TraumaTies Episode 8: Just Show Up: The Best Thing You Can Do To Support Survivors
Episode Summary
If there’s one lesson we take from the natural world about trauma and resiliency, let it be from the trees and the sea otters.
Humans used to think that trees competed with one another for light and resources to survive. But below our feet, they’re actually communicating with each other through a network that shares information about drought and disease. And the sea otters? They hold hands so they don’t drift apart — even while they’re asleep.
“It's just such beautiful imagery for how we think about the ways in which we can support folks in trauma, is that you're the person’s sea otter,” says Lindsey Silverberg, Head of Services with NVRDC.
Of course, humans are a bit more complicated. We can’t always show up for each other, especially if we haven’t processed our own traumas. But for those of us who have experienced trauma in the past, we know that the best thing someone can do for us in a time of need is to just show up. In this episode of TraumaTies, Lindsey and NVRCD Executive Director Bridgette Stumpf give some advice on how to do that for the survivors in your life, from friends to work colleagues.
They also reflect on their favorite moments from their freshman season of the podcast, which wouldn’t have been possible without you, the listeners. Keep these conversations going, and don’t forget to tune back in for the next season for interviews with unsung heroes and a deeper dive into societal understandings of trauma.
And as always, don’t be afraid to reach out with questions, ideas, or suggestions for the podcast. Just send us an email at podcast@nvrdc.org or tag us @NVRDC with the hashtag #TraumaTies on Twitter and LinkedIn.
Meet the Hosts
Name: Bridgette Stumpf
What she does: Bridgette Stumpf is the co-founder and Executive Director of the Network for Victim Recovery of DC (NVRDC). Throughout her time at NVRDC, she has developed legal assistance programs for survivors of all forms of violence, and led local and national policy efforts to advance the rights of survivors. A licensed lawyer in Maryland and Washington, D.C., she has been advocating for crime victim rights for more than a decade.
Name: Lindsey Silverberg
What she does: Lindsey Silverberg is Head of Services at NVRDC, where she manages day-to-day operations of the advocacy and case management program. Lindsey also directs the Sexual Assault Crisis Response Project, a multi-agency effort helping connect survivors with the resources they need. She has been a victim advocate for almost 10 years.
Key Points
Top takeaways from this episode
Trauma is a human experience. It can show up in our lives when we least expect it and stem from a myriad of experiences, from divorce to loss. That’s why it’s so important to know trauma-informed practices for helping a friend experiencing trauma. As Brené Brown teaches us, it’s about more than just saying the right thing — it’s about showing up and being there for them.
Trauma-informed practices can transform your workplace. Trust matters in a workplace, so the way you respond to a disclosure at work — namely, setting boundaries and sticking to them — matters. Centering trauma-informed principles can also mean offering a processing space for your employees or allowing time off for mental health purposes.
To best show up for survivors, understand your own experiences. Reflecting on your own traumas can help you better understand your capacity and ability to support a friend experiencing trauma, and offer hints on the best thing you can do for them: just show up.
Enduring trauma together makes us stronger. No one should ever have to experience trauma. But when it does happen, and when communities find a way to heal together, they become more resilient.
Episode Highlights
[00:50] Reflections: We’ve made it to the end of our first season of TraumaTies! Bridgette and Lindsey reflect on what the process has been like, their favorite moments from past episodes, and their hopes for the future of the podcast.
[06:43] Trauma is a human experience: Throughout the podcast, Bridgette and Lindsey have talked at length about the different places trauma can show up in our lives. The hosts are no exception: they discuss how trauma-informed practices have helped them deal with loss in their own lives.
[11:08] Sympathy vs empathy: How can we show up for each other in difficult moments without re-traumatizing or causing more harm? Lindsey and Bridgette share some wisdom from Brené Brown.
[14:55] An understanding environment: Creating a trauma-informed workplace allows employees “to show up in their full selves,” says Bridgette.
[22:39] Reshaping expectations: How can we better make space for survivors who might not express or process their trauma in ways we expect?
[27:04] Show up for yourself: You can’t always make space for someone else if you haven’t done so for yourself. Bridgette and Lindsey discuss why it’s so important to understand your own trauma when showing up for a friend.
[31:47] Trauma builds resiliency: Lindsey discusses resiliency built through traumatic experiences, and the lessons from Kerry Kletter’s East Coast Girls about “the depth of intimacy it fosters with other people.”
[34:30] Lessons from the natural world: What trees and sea otters can teach us about showing up for others in our lives.
[35:07] Narrowing the distance: Next season, we’ll focus on narrowing the distance between society’s understanding of trauma and the reality of trauma as a human experience. Don’t be afraid to reach out to us with questions, ideas, and suggestions!
[37:04] Celebrating unsung heroes: They’re the strangers comforting us in a time of need, the veterinarians taking care of our pets, the people uplifting survivor voices. In the future, we look forward to interviewing some of these unsung heroes who help us heal.
[40:37] Keep in touch: If you have any questions, ideas or suggestions for the podcast — or just want to reach out and say hi — don’t be afraid to reach out. Send us an email at podcast@nvrdc.org or tag us @NVRDC with the hashtag #TraumaTies on Twitter and LinkedIn.
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Brought to you by Network for Victim Recovery of DC (NVRDC), TraumaTies: Untangling Societal Harm & Healing After Crime is a podcast that creates space and conversations to dissect the structural and systemic knots that keep us from addressing trauma.
Rooted in a belief that survivors of crime deserve respect for their dignity in the aftermath of victimization, NVRDC seeks to empower survivors by informing them of all of the options available and working to transform existing response systems to be more inclusive of the diverse needs that survivors often have after crime.
NVRDC also provides free, holistic, and comprehensive advocacy, case management, and legal services to victims of all crime types in Washington, DC. Visit our website to learn more about how to access our trauma-informed education training and how to partner with us to expand survivor-defined justice.
Top quotes from the episode:
[12:23] Lindsey: “The most impactful thing you can do in adult friendships is just spend time together. It's not about what you say or how you are. It's the same, often, when hardship and trauma happens.”
[26:03] Linsdey: “One of the main things is to show up. And you don't have to have the answers. You don't have to know what that looks like. […] Literally just sitting with somebody, and letting them feel their feelings. You're not going to say the right thing, you're not going to make it better. But being able to share that experience with someone, knowing that a person cares about them and is not going to judge them for the ways in which they're showing up in that moment, is so important.”
[31:03] Bridgette: “You can have an individual trauma experience. But when you have people around you that show up in a way that make you feel understood, it feels more like that community experience that you're not navigating alone.”
[34:09] Lindsey: “There are people in your life, hopefully, that can show up and be there for you and all of the experiences you have. When sea otters sleep, they hold hands so that they don't float away from each other. And it's just such beautiful imagery for how we think about the ways in which we can support folks and in trauma, is that you're the person’s sea otter.”